he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
