I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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