I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
