Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize