I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm too high and old for this...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
