I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
