We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
