so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
