this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
