We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
