Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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