you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
