I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
