when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize