If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
