either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize