Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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