do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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