beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
