I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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