Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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