I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
