Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
