I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
