i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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