hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Randomize