oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
pray to the hookup gods
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
