I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
