U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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