I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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