Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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