when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
