I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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