Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
