It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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