i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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