yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
