She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
