Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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