We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize