I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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