he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize