just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Alive.
So much puke
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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