Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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