1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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