Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
