watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
