Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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