She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
