I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We left the knife in your bed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
