Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
