I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize