So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
