I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Everyone says I win the strip club
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
