Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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