We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
