I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
