i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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