I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
