Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
