You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
