just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
