if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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