my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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