Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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