It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he fucked my hip out of place.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
