Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
