i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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