I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
