I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
