you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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