Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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