Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
