whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
handjob tips. give me some.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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