I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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