I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
